Add water and Kool-aid.

Add snacks.

Add time.

Add fun stuff to do. Turn based, preferably, so the boys are waiting for their turn and don’t want to leave and lose their place.

So, now you have bladder pressure in a group of boys that are still somewhat unfamiliar with their own equipment that are motivated to ‘hold it’ so as to keep playing the game.

Can you see where I’m going with this?

Pressure finally triggers the ‘now’ switch and you’ve got one of the boys running in a race against his own bladder to see whether or not a change of underwear is required. When said house ape reaches his destination, accuracy isn’t at the top of his list.

Think fire hose at full blast without anyone inclined to hold it.

If you have all girls, you just don’t know.

The Discovery Channel commercial, “World Is Awesome” (also known as “Boom de ah dah”)

Mix the two together, shake, blend, pour…

Voila!

http://xkcd.com/442/

Just perfect.

(Super Doctorow!)

Astronomers Explain Mars’s Lopsided Shape

I took one look and realized just how this came to be – Dave Lister was playing pool with planets again!

And, partially, because it is so freaking cool – a robot! In my house! Vacuuming! Jane, get me off this crazy thing!

Fast forward a couple of months… the baby has been sitting up for quite a while on his own but dislikes ‘tummy time’ and has no inclination to crawl about. That’s fine, it means I don’t have to proof stuff for a bit longer. I set him down, put toys within reach and he is a happy camper.

Then the Roomba comes on. It does its little start up chime and a few seconds later it starts its whirring, backs out from underneath the ancient radio and starts Doing It’s Thing. It works its way around the room and the baby is simply fascinated. It moves. It makes noise. It is cool!

After a while, it works its way over to where the baby is at and gently bumps into him and then turns away. I’m waiting in vain for him to cry, weep, gnash gums but no, he is still simply fascinated.

That’s my boy.

After a couple of days, he is still watching it, rapt, and I watch him lean over and voila! He is on all fours, watching it. The next day, same thing. Nothing else seems to be worth the effort of trying to crawl except for when the Roomba is going. Each day he is a little more brave and tries a little more until he is actually crawling about, always facing the Roomba as it moves. He learned that it is hard to crawl on the hard wood floor so for a couple of days he is stuck crawling on the area rug, but desire is a strong motivator and he learns to sit on the wood, lean over and scoot across the slick surface.

This is the undoing of the Roomba, unfortunately.

Prior to the conquest of the hard wood floor, the Roomba could always retreat under the radio to charge and hide out until the next day at its appointed time. With the invention of scooting, the Roomba is vulnerable in its lair and, even worse, has glowing symbols on its surface that beg to be pressed. Power. Max. Spot.

Clean.

Yes, the boy learned to start the robot at will and now the poor wretched mechanical must dance to the whim and attention span of a highly inquisitive and perpetually happy one year old. Who can now crawl on carpet and hard wood flooring and thinks it is great fun to start the Roomba and then chase it throughout the living room, kitchen and hall until the battery dies and it sits forlornly, a pulsing red power button the only sign of any life left in its carapace.

If the elder boy’s memoir is “Don’t Bite The Dog And Other Things I Never Thought I’d Have To Say” then the younger boy’s might be “Leave The Roomba Alone Already” or perhaps “Stop Teasing The Roomba!”.

Yeah, I’m still working on that title.

When I was 10 years old or so, I stumbled across a copy of a George Carlin stand up recorded live in Salt Lake City, sometime around 1974 or so. I listened to the cassettes regularly until they wore out. Later, I found used copies of Carlin’s albums and devoured them as well. I still have my vinyl on the shelf behind my desk.

Comedians such as Carlin, Berman, Freberg, Williams, Pryor shaped my world view as an adolescent and continue to do so.

Rest in Peace, George.

(photo by Ken Howard via NPR)

Practicing my Jedi mind powers, I ordered Cheney to go get me some Taco Bell and thought, “Tacos rule!”

So, now that I’ve ‘fessed up, what do you think the first line of Dubya’s memoir would be? Leave it in the comments!

No, the best part is the very last comment - but don’t spoil it by scrolling straight to it. It is truly wonderful when considered with the pontificating pundits above it.

UPDATE June 21, 2008, 11:22 PM: There are lots of comments since I posted this; the comment I found so funny was this one.